Couples counseling, by nature, involves both partners. Even if you’re eager to enhance your relationship and improve communication, the first step is ensuring your partner is willing to participate.
But what if they’re not? Does this mean it’s time to consider a breakup? Or should you pursue individual therapy, hoping the skills you gain will be enough to improve the relationship?
Couples can benefit from therapy at any stage of their relationship, even early on. However, many couples wait years before seeking help. Unfortunately, nearly 70% of relationship issues don’t resolve on their own.
If you’re looking to encourage your partner to join you in couples therapy to strengthen your bond, here are some tips on how to make it happen.
Stay Calm and Connected
When you’re eager to “fix” your relationship, your partner might sense your tension and stress, which can make them feel judged or threatened by your dissatisfaction. They may fear that couples therapy will turn into a situation where the therapist takes sides.
Before bringing up serious matters like counseling, try to reconnect in a light and enjoyable way. Do something you both like, such as watching a movie, playing a game, or simply spending quality time together. Also, choose an appropriate time for a serious conversation, when your partner isn’t rushed or overly tired. Waiting for a calm and relaxed moment is key.
Invite a Conversation
Instead of aggressively addressing your frustrations, invite your partner into a discussion about their needs and desires for the relationship. Start by expressing your appreciation for them and affirming their importance to you. Then, ask what they want from the relationship.
Keep the tone light and let go of expectations. The goal is to introduce the idea of therapy without making your partner feel threatened or blamed for your dissatisfaction.
Be a Good Listener
Resist the urge to jump in and change your partner’s mind or defend yourself based on their response. This is a time to simply listen and gather insights. Your partner may view the relationship differently, and it’s important to understand their perspective.
If they ask questions, answer as calmly and honestly as possible. If you’re unsure about something, suggest looking up the answer together. This helps create an open and supportive dialogue.
Reframe the Concept of Therapy
Your partner might be hesitant about therapy because it suggests something is “wrong” with them or the relationship. Instead, try reframing therapy as a form of coaching, similar to what athletes or business professionals use to enhance performance.
Just like any area of life, there’s no shame in wanting to improve and excel in your relationship. Therapy can enhance communication, connection, and intimacy, helping both of you reach new levels of understanding.
Don’t Get Discouraged by a “No”
It may have taken you a while to come to the conclusion that therapy is needed, and your partner may not be there yet. Ask them why they’re not interested, and listen without trying to convince them otherwise.
They might have concerns you can address or simply need more time to consider the idea. If that’s the case, allow the conversation to shift to other topics and give them space to reflect.
In the meantime, consider seeking individual counseling to help navigate your relationship challenges. You can learn new skills that may not only improve your communication but also inspire your partner to join you in therapy later on.
When your partner is ready, or if you decide to start with individual sessions, seek professional support through counseling, whether in person or through virtual sessions.
